


Big

by sometimesimeow



Series: Awkward Soulmates [1]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Sex, Barba has a Big Dick, Daddy Kink, Dominance, Dominant Rafael, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Oral Sex, Size Kink, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Submission, Submissive Sonny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 06:07:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20384911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sometimesimeow/pseuds/sometimesimeow
Summary: Sonny Carisi had always known his soulmate was going to be a lot to handle.In this soulmate universe, everyone is born with one distinguishing feature written on their wrist.





	Big

**Author's Note:**

> My contribution to the glory that is Barisi. I've always wanted to make a Soulmates AU, especially with this type of identifying mark but nothing spoke to me the way this pairing did. I genuinely believe they are soulmates, and though I think Sonny is compatible with a lot of people, I know Rafael Barba is The One for him. Furthermore, I made Sonny the age he was intended to be (the episode script had him at 28), not Peter Scanavino's age. 
> 
> As always, if you see any tags that should be there but aren't, please inform me.

Sonny would give anything for a pair of big, brown eyes.

That was the most common inscription to date—it matched 79 to 90 percent of the world’s population, and the physicality adorned the wrists of millions of people around the globe. Sure, the inscription was often accompanied by a spot of honey and or a side of chestnut, but brown eyes meant a burnt wearer, and most people’s heart dropped as soon as their wrists became big enough to read. Sometimes, the universe was kind enough to offset the unremarkable moniker with their counterpart’s more distinguishing feature. “Three moles on their left thigh” or “bottled pink hair” or something that could help them be recognized if they had the dreaded brown eyes. The major complication occurred when both parties were relatively _average—_which Sonny would agree was not as bad as the one girl who had “a smile only a mother could love” and Aaron from fifth-grade got “scars dashed across her wrists." Sonny was pretty sure there was more than one angel in charge of these descriptions, and they weren't all nice. But once the Carisi was big enough for his sentence to be little more than ants on a pavement, he concluded that anything would be better, including a pair of big, brown eyes.

Sonny could read his soul mark at age seven. As soon as the first word could be read, the young boy scoured the house for a magnifying glass. After transcribing his newfound knowledge onto paper, the glow in his eyes darkened to a confused squint. He understood the measurements, and the adult vernacular was familiar—but all together served as the greatest mystery of the elementary student’s life. He raced into his parents’ bedroom with a dictionary in tow. Though besieged with fatigue, their amusement quickly faded when they were woken up by Sonny’s notes. 

“Fuck,” his father swore.

His mother slapped him on the arm—hard. Sonny winced as his father cradled his bicep. His mother smiled nervously at him as she asked to look at his wrist. Putting on her reading glasses for a better look, Sonny watched as she swallowed and winced.

“Sonny, sweetie…” She was sweating. “You wrote down the wrong number.”

“Oh.”

Sonny watched as she shakily added another digit to his otherwise perfectly transcribed sentence. Logically, they kept silent about the nature of the phrase for years. But none of them could fight playgrounds perversions for long, and Sonny wasn’t even out of elementary school when he learned what his soul scripture meant.

The personal burden should have been for Sonny to bear alone, but instead, the scripture became a publication. Staten Island was small, and their community was not exactly renowned for their hushed whispers. Sonny gained the status of pariah midway through eighth grade when his little sister asked his crush with wide eyes and cheery grin—if he had the qualifications of Sonny’s soulmate.

Needless to say, the boy was disgusted.

He stormed out of the house, calling Sonny a faggot and threatened a beating if he ever came near him again. Sonny wanted to die. He left the living room red-faced with tears, and it took their parents all night to get him to eat again. He didn’t speak to Bella for three days, and it wasn’t until she broke down outside his room, crying about how her big brother didn’t love her anymore that Sonny finally forgave her.

“I’m sorry!” she sobbed. “Please, please, please don’t hate me! I’m so sorry!” Bella babbled on for ages about how all she wanted was for Sonny to be happy and, that she just wanted to find out if that kid was “the one” so that Sonny could live “happily ever after.”

Guilt replaced his heartbreak, and Sonny spent an hour holding his little sister close.

“It’s okay,” Sonny told her as he mentally prepared to make Bella’s favorite cookies. “He wasn’t that nice anyway.” Then, as an afterthought, he added, “I rather spend time with you.” Because he certainly wasn't going to see him outside of school any time soon. 

Bella beamed in excitement. She loved spending time with her big brother.

Sonny ended up spending most of his nights with Bella after that. Sonny was right. The boy was not “nice.” Without a thought to Sonny, the boy unleashed a flurry of predatory lies upon their school’s ecosystem. Sonny was reviled as the school slut—a size queen who scoured the school’s ground for the biggest ride he could find. The only consolation was that upon his revelation, the boy was subsequently mocked for not being enough for Sonny. His ex-crush ghosted him until graduation—which Sonny would soon learn was a commonality amongst boys his age.

Male teenagers were paradoxes of immense insecurity and immeasurable egotism. They steered clear of Sonny's way but never fought a rumor if it involved Sonny’s promiscuity. All of them were too afraid of being outed as inferior to Sonny’s soulmate to try and confirm the rumors, but still wanted the bragging rights of being able to satisfy him. Sonny hated them for it. He spent the rest of junior high playing scrabble with his sisters or cooking with his nonna. He quit the basketball team, stayed in the library at lunch, and didn’t socialize if it didn’t directly involve his family or school.

“It’ll get better,” Teresa assured him as she petted his head for the fifth Friday in a role. Sonny dug his face into his pillow and didn’t say a word.

“Next year, you’ll be in high school. They’ll be too far up their asses to give a shit about a couple of scribbles.”

Sonny continued to ignore her.

Teresa sighed in frustration. “They’re just some words. They don’t mean anything.”

Teresa spent another minute reasoning with him before heading to the door. No doubt she’d be fighting with their parents soon, accusing them of being responsible for Sonny’s fixation. She hated soulmates. Half their conversations were spent telling Sonny that they didn’t matter. “You don’t have to be forced into fate,” she told him—begging almost. 

She doesn’t understand, Sonny thought. He peeked out to catch the glimmer of gold on her ring finger and angrily stuffed his face into the pillow again. Teresa was lucky. She already met her soulmate.

For two more years, Sonny carried the title of “Sonny Sucks It.” More than eighty percent of his junior high class entered high school alongside him, and as scared freshmen and awkward sophomores, they took great pleasure in kicking down beggars in a hole. By junior year, the rumors died down. More exciting things happened—a teacher’s soulmate was a student, and the star pitcher of his school’s baseball team threw the game to prove his love for his other half—the rival school’s catcher. Sonny’s mark became old news. The Italian-American was still cautious—he wore a watch at all times and long sleeves if the weather permitted it, but for the first time in years, he felt safe. Sonny even considered dating. 

Being the romantic of their family, his older sister, Gina, agreed with him. She took him to one of her boyfriend’s frat parties which she insisted was perfectly acceptable because Sonny was, “like, legal now,” and deserved to broaden his horizons. “I mean, it’s obvious if one of your classmates were the one, he’d speak out, right? What teenage boy doesn’t want everyone to know he’s got a big dick?” Sonny knew there were some flaws in her logic but refused to lose the opportunity of attending a real college party. He nodded and smiled like a champ, and before he knew it, rode in the backseat towards adulthood.

The party reminded Sonny of the parties he had seen on TV, there were beer kegs on top of beer kegs and couples fondling each other in every room, and Sonny, like the good Catholic he was, choose to stand by the table with the Cheetos and guacamole. He refused to get drunk, much to Gina’s chagrin, and she forced a red cup of spiked punch into his hand.

“Just take some sips, okay? If they see you’re not drinking, they’ll figure out you’re underage. Or think you’re a narc.” To his fear, Gina and her boyfriend disappeared into another room, leaving Sonny to fend for himself.

After half an hour or so, a guy, even older than Gina’s boyfriend, sought him from across the hallway. He strolled through the sea of bodies, and greeted a couple of the partygoers in conversation. He seemed to be well-liked—or at least, well known. When he finally made it to Sonny's side, he smiled. 

“You’re new,” he stated to Sonny—confirming himself to be a regular. “Freshman?”

Sonny sipped his drink to avoid lying. He smiled shyly, which encouraged the man to take a step closer. “You should smile more. God, you’re pretty.”

In retrospect, Sonny should have spotted the red flag. The compliment would have been perfectly acceptable, except it was Sonny, and Sonny looked young for his age. He was seventeen going on seven, and his first impression was one of uncertain youth. He acted like a target. Decent guys have been avoiding him all night, and those with some semblance of sobriety were able to piece two and two together with the phrase “Gina’s little brother.”

Nonetheless, Sonny talked back. Be bold and seize the moment, live a little, and get loose. Sonny thought about all he missed out on for the last three years of high school and dug his heels into the ground to continue the conversation. The guy was nice, and Sonny admitted that there was an allure about having an older guy attracted to him. He asked for Sonny’s age, and Sonny, like an idiot, answered. Seventeen was the age of consent in New York, he justified. To Sonny’s misplaced delight, the man’s advances were not detoured. If anything, the guy tried harder with Sonny. He got Sonny another drink and they cheered. He encouraged him to drink the entire cup together, and pushed through Sonny's reluctance. Sonny’s stomach grew queasy at the sudden rush of liquor. Whatever the man got for him was much stronger than any of the beer or wine his father had handed him in the past. But still, Sonny stayed. The red flags waved in the background, but Sonny was staring straight ahead into the stranger’s eyes. For once, Sonny was not defined by a single sentence. For once, he could flirt for no better reason than it made him feel good to do so. Sonny was distracted enough by the praise that he didn’t notice a fellow partygoer stumbling in his direction. The other boy fell against his shoulder in a series of drunken steps. The action led to a mild scuffle, nothing serious, but just enough for the drunkard to latch onto his watch and unclasp it on accident. The watch fell to the floor, and the guy Sonny was talking to, reached down at the same time Sonny does. It was a gentleman’s move, but the following events were far from chivalrous.

“Holy shit,” the guy exclaimed, his eyes wide. When Sonny noticed the man’s gaze, he pulled back immediately.

“I got it,” Sonny told the guy. He gave him a shaky smile as he clasped it on, but his ignorance was futile. Without warning, the man grabbed onto Sonny’s wrist. He read the inscription out loud, and Sonny’s face burned. The shame was worse, vocalized. He waited for the guy to back off, make an excuse and trip over his feet in his escape.

Instead, the man’s grip tightened, and instead of being relieved by his stance, Sonny felt a chill run down his spine. Their eyes met. Up until that moment, Sonny thought high school boys were bad.

Older guys were much worse.

The man tried to drag him upstairs. Sonny didn’t fight at first. He was in shock. One moment they were talking about their party, and the next, the guy told Sonny that “_he just fucking knew” _Sonny wanted it. “God, you must be aching for a dicking. Gotta get that hole loose before you hit the big leagues, right?" The man continued to proclaim all the filth they would accomplish that night. The horror numbed Sonny. The teenager shook with every word, and once the suggestion of “inviting some friends” was spoken, Sonny knew he had to explain that the man was wrong. _Sonny didn’t want this. _

“I’m not like that!” Sonny half-shouted.

“Yeah right,” the guy laughed, and it was harsh and cold—a far cry from the oily charm he was slathering on earlier that night. “C’mon, the innocent act is cute, but we don’t have to pretend anymore. Let’s just wet those lips of yours and have some fun.”

“No! Wait!” Sonny swallowed his pride before blurting out, “I’m a virgin!”

The declaration gained a bit of attention. The man seemed to be disbelieving and asked if he was telling the truth. “Are you lying?”

Sonny shook his head. “No, I just…I wanted to meet someone. I’m sorry.” For a second, Sonny thought it was enough to scare him off.

Then, the man’s grin grew wider.

“Guess I get to have you at your tightest.”

Nausea resurfaced from the put of his stomach into his throat. He almost puked out his protest. The man saw Sonny’s discomfort and moved his hands to couple Sonny’s hips—effectively keeping him from escaping.

"Give it up, Sonny. I’m just trying to be a nice guy here. Yeah, I’m not your soulmate, but I’m not small either. Let’s have a good time. I’ll even show you a few things you can use when you meet him.”

Sonny shook his head, frantically. “I want to leave.” He scanned the crowd. If he left now, he could find Gina and her boyfriend and go home.

The man’s hand dug into his skin so hard, Sonny thought they would bruise. He was getting angrier. “Hey, I’m doing this for you. You’ll need the practice. C’mon, do you think your soulmate is going to be happy plowing a crying virgin? Stop being a tease.” Once again, Sonny attempted to leave. He pulled himself away, and when the guy’s anger increase enough that Sonny thinks he might just hit him, he heard someone from behind yelling, “what the fuck?”

Told by a friend of her brother’s apparent abduction, the two split up to look for Sonny. Gina’s boyfriend won. The brawny collegegoer pulled the pervert off in a second, and while Sonny used to make fun of his sister for her attraction to guidos, he had never been more grateful for her choice of partners than tonight. When Sonny’s potential assailant took one look at Gina’s beau, he ran scared into the other room. Gina found them walking to the car, with Sonny clutching onto the older boy for dear life. The two of them took Sonny home, and once he was safely tucked away into his room, Sonny started to cry. Gina held him in her arms, and her boyfriend promised to teach the asshole a lesson if he ever saw him again. Sonny appreciated the gesture. “I hope my soulmate’s as nice as you,” he sobbed.

“Oh, baby…” Gina soothed as she held him in her arms. “It’s going to be okay. He’s going to be perfect. He’ll make it all worth it, I promise.” 

“How would you know?” Sonny snapped, regretting it at once.

Gina frowned but didn’t say anything else. Instead, she walked away and told Sonny to get some sleep. He apologized the next morning, but Gina told him it was nothing.

Gina and her boyfriend don’t last. He ended up finding his soulmate the following semester, and despite her broken heart, the two-part amicably. When Sonny goes to her room to apologize again, she laughed and said it was for the best. “I never did like wondering on ‘what-ifs.’” Gina was always a resilient one. With an empty wrist and a hopeful heart, she moved onto her next boyfriend in two weeks. Sonny was jealous of her sometimes. Some people will never meet the soulmates, but cling onto the hope of “one day” and lose a lifetime of possibilities for it. Gina’s wrists were clear of bondage, and she was free to be with whoever she wants, whenever and wherever.

Junior year ended without any further controversy. Halfway through senior year, Sonny spent most of his nights alone. He doesn’t date, and after another Friday in solitude, his mother took the initiative. They take the ferry to Manhattan, and a taxi to a shop she discovered through a friend.

“Where are we going?” Sonny asked.

Sonny had turned eighteen three weeks ago, and his mother had implied that it was time for him to “get more intimate with his body.” Once inside the store, Sonny choked.

It was a sex shop.

_His mother had brought him to a sex shop. _

Letting go of his hand, his mother sauntered toward a nearby associate. She asked Sonny if he’d like to go with him, only to be met with a feverous shake of the head. She sighed at him, telling him to “look around” and see if there is something he likes. Sonny was too dumbstruck even to respond. Instead, he examined the incense to avoid eye contact with anything…_indecent_. There was a blowup doll staring down his back and a poster promoting a package deal of the classics, including Deep Throat and Alice and Wonderland. Finally, Sonny’s mother finished her selection, and they walked to the register. At the end of the transaction, the cashier wished the two of them good luck.

Sonny tried to stumble out an explanation because the last thing he wanted was to be remembered as a rent boy, but what ends up pouring out of his was mouth was:

“She’s my mom!”

The cashier stared. Several other customers turned. Sonny’s mouth dropped in horror. His mother fared no better. 

Shopping with one’s mother in a sex shop was certifiably more awkward than being a kept boy. Before he could wreck himself further with another explanation, his mother grabbed his wrist and removed his watch.

The cashier was both impressed and impartial. He nodded at both of them and made the sale. The two of them do not meet each other’s eyes on the trip back.

On the boat home, Sonny’s mother handed him his gift.

Sonny blanched and shoved it into her chest. “I can’t take this!” He shouted, loud enough to catch attention. His mother frowned and pushed it back into his arms.

“It’s a gift from your mother. Take it.”

“I don’t need it!”

Sonny handed it back.

“Yes, you do.” She repeated her motion.

“No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do!”

“No, I don’t!”

“Unless you plan on getting split apart on your first time, you will take the damn dildo and shove it up your ass until it can slide in without lube!” Her declaration was followed up by another shove into his arms, and Sonny was too stunned to do anything but accept. His mother looked wired as an addict, and looking into her eyes, Sonny could tell she was struggling as hard with the situation as himself. He cradled the brown bag, and near the end of their ride home, shuffled through the contents by pushing the bottom. He drew the line at pulling them out in public.

His mother cleared her throat. “There’s a…a plug in there as well. For practice. And I bought two sizes for…practice. And the sales associate suggested…oil lube for, uh, practice. If you use a condom, then, you have to use a, a, uh, water-based one. Lube.” 

Sonny folded the bag closed. He turned red.

The two of them waited for their ride home. Once their father’s vehicle was in sight, Sonny turned to his mother. 

“Uh…thanks, ma,” Sonny muttered. “I, uh, appreciate the...thought.”

Sonny’s mother smiled shakily back.

At home, Sonny dashed to his room with his toys. His mother told him to take his time and relax—she and her father would be going out tonight, and Bella was at a sleepover. Gina had long moved in with her new boyfriend, and Teresa was finalizing her divorce. She got to keep the house.

“All night,” his mother emphasized. “You can take all the time you need.”

Sonny couldn’t speak. Instead, he looked down and nodded. Sonny wanted to tell her that it was pointless—_he probably wasn’t going to use the toy. He_ could barely stand porn before getting hives from Father’s Richie damning voice warning him about the sin of spilling seed outside of marriage.

“I probably won’t even like it,” Sonny muttered as he pulled out the blue silicone. He gulped on sight.

It was huge.

And it was a starter size, too! Sonny gripped the base in fear as he imagined his future soulmate’s attributes. It would twice—maybe even triple this size.

Then, it hit Sonny.

_His soulmate was going to be inside Sonny. _

Sonny was so fucked; he was going to get fucked. Sonny mulled over this terror for ages until his thoughts were forced to reach their end. He heard his mom and dad say goodbye, and then the door slammed. The car was leaving the driveway. It was now or never. If he hated it, he could just stop. But if he _liked it_…well, wouldn’t he want all the time in the world? Swallowing his nerves, Sonny grabbed the lube and prepared himself and the object. He slathered the goop on the object, spilling an oceans worth everywhere. He used his fingers on himself until they cramped, and if that wasn't the most awkward experience in the world, he didn't know what was. After he was done with 'prep' , Sonny took a deep breath and climbed over the dildo. Then, he slowly sank into it. 

If asked, Sonny would say it was odd and slightly uncomfortable.

But the truth?

If there was ever a sign that Sonny had the right soulmate, _this was it_.

Sonny wished there was a sport for self-fucking, because Sonny would be the goddamn champ. The pain he experienced came less from use and more from overzealousness. Once he got the rhythm and _hit that fucking spot that_ made him _see stars_, he was _gone_. It was magic.

Sonny played with his cock and hole for ages, enjoying the push and shove as it rubbed against his walls. He shoved his fingers in his hole to accompany the object and melted when he clench. His face was forced into the white sheets, a small puddle of drool starting to form underneath from his mouth. His arm bent backwards and beyond in order to further the thrusting. After his first orgasm, he grew tired of the slow, unbearable thrust and wanted to pound himself with vigor. Sonny could feel another orgasm. The loud moans Sonny began the night with were reduced to sobs and whimpers. He was glad no one was here to listen. He felt dirty and defeated and it was the best fucking feeling in the world. His entire body fell limp and his arms were only working for the sake of fucking into him. He was surprised he hadn’t broken down completely, but he couldn’t stop. He wanted more. More thrusting. Slow or fast. Anything he could get. He wanted more stretching. Big enough that it was even too big, and he couldn’t handle it before crying about not getting enough. He wanted to be teased and filled until he was swollen with cock. Sonny wondered if his soulmate would like that about him. How hard he would try to keep him in. How he would just let the other man wreck his body and ruin him for good. That was the hottest part of it all. Just thinking about his fucking soulmate _owning him. _

Sonny spent weeks molding his craft. He took his plug to school, played with the smaller piece in the morning in the shower before having some major fun at night. He looked online for more pieces to add to his collection, and after boggling at the prices for his coveted selections, he started looking at jobs to support his habit. Sex with silicon became second nature to him. He learned not to hit all the way but to tease, to brush against his prostate until his cock was so hard, he was ready to spill on command. He wore his plug to school to keep himself full at all times and gave a shudder when someone ran into him. On one visit, Gina talked about him “dripping in pheromones” since she last saw him. She made it sound like a joke, but Sonny wondered if there was any truth to it. He did notice more guys staring since he discovered his new hobby but ignored them in favor of more accessible pleasures. Why bother with boys when he could have toys? His soulmate was the only one he really needed to entertain.

One night, Sonny was playing with the idea of putting both presents inside him as sucked one and fucked himself with the other. He learned that he liked using his throat as well, and that his tongue instinctively curled around the head of the rubber cock. 

Strangely enough, Sonny prided himself on being a natural cocksucker. 

The second he was about to make his decision, his father barged into his bedroom. Suspicious of Sonny “spending too much time in his bedroom,” he came to a common Staten Island conclusion: Meth.

After witnessing his only son with a dildo in mid-thrust, the senior Carisi decided he may have preferred meth.

What occurred next was a series of profanities, and a handful of objects being thrown at the door until his father finally had the sense to leave. The man didn’t even reprimand Sonny for his tone. The situation forced Sonny’s mother to confess to the purchase. The argument between his parents started off with righteous indignation and ended up in sex—like true Italians. When they were finished with their passionate reconciliation, they gave Sonny another talk about how “it’s perfectly natural what [he] was doing,” but as good Catholics, “they need not rely on earthly pleasures” to serve their emotional needs. Even his mother was concerned he was relying on tools to avoid actual commitment.

“I bought them for you to practice. But if you don’t get out, sweetheart, there will be no one to practice for.”

Again, as good Catholics, they weren’t encouraging their son to slut it up, but they would like him to prove he had the opportunity to. Sonny listened to the lecture with as much attentiveness and as little embarrassment as possible. Unfortunately, all he could do was stare at his father and mother’s wrists with mild accusation. His mother had his father’s “blue eyes,” and his father has his mother’s “mile long legs.” Sonny inherited both, so he wonders which one his soulmate received. Nonetheless, he agreed to keeping his “playtime” to a minimal.

This, he thought, was definitely the most embarrassing moment of his life.

But they were right about one thing—Sonny couldn’t keep isolating himself. There were times where Sonny considered not chasing after this mystery man, but he knew that’s never been a possibility for him. His parents, his grandparents, and his great-grandparents were all soulmate marriages. Sonny knew they didn’t always work out—Teresa and her soulmate were proof of that. And Gina didn’t have a soulmate at all. But he'd seen what happens when they do come together—and he wanted that magic. He wanted it so badly, he could cry. But after weeks of hinting and not-so-subtle encouragement from his parents, Sonny decided to give dating another try.

The timing was perfect. Sonny had been accepted into St. John’s and his parents, though surprised he didn’t take the blue-collar route, were supportive of his decision. Finding dates was easier in college. Sonny had always been a pretty boy, and his body was made suited to serve male fantasies. Long legs, skinny waist, and a pretty face. Who didn’t want a male Barbie to play with in the bedroom? But aside from his ease in procuring dates, that was where the differences end. In regard to romance, Sonny was ruthless. He didn’t want to waste time on getting to know someone when he could already have them. The problem with his dates were that they were redundant. Sonny went out, hopeful that each time he may find “the one”, but after a number of awkward glances _down there_, his date would get agitated and confrons him on his fixation. Sonny then had to explain, red face and slightly indignant because he had been through this a dozen times by now, and he was tired of explaining that “no, he’s not a pervert,” and “no, it isn’t that weird.” This led to the disappointing confession that said date does not meet his requirements, and that maybe they should call it a night. Sonny agreed at once, because he had wasted enough time that night, and didn’t feel tempted to lose any more. The cycle continued for months. Rinse and repeat, until his parents had to give him another “talk.”

Sonny promised his parents that he would stop obsessing, and with a shaky smile, they pretended to believe him. Sonny pretended to believe that they believed them. He lived at home throughout his undergraduate career, which served to save him money but also curb the more aggressive advances of his suitors. His parents knew he was using them and made sure to tell him each time to “take the whole night” and not to worry about his curfew. “You’re an adult now,” they often said. Sonny then blushed with an “ah shucks” grin before coming home earlier than he did in high school. When they see him at home, making dinner or trying out a new recipe he’d seen on the food channel, there was always a sigh of disappointment, or a look of annoyance. It was not him, Sonny wants to tell them. It’s them. _None_ of them were his soulmate.

Sonny endured their judgement for another two years. He finished his academy training and completed his first year on the job with begrudgingly good remarks. He was a fine officer, and it wasn’t long before his commander was able to send him to a busier precinct. The transfer couldn’t have come at a better time. By then, Sonny’s soul sentence had become water cooler gossip for the entire station, and a number of his higher-ranking officers have taken to calling him “Mary” in mocking. It was humiliating and true, because with each new purchase from his favorite Manhattan sex shop, Sonny became more aware of his situation. He was a twenty-four-year-old virgin with a dildo collection that rivaled most porn stars’ and still lived with his parents.

Deciding it was time to take another leap—this time at his own pace, Sonny moved over to Brooklyn. He was approved for a decent place that was rent controlled, and his credit score was flawless thanks to his timely payments on his student loans. He hoped his soulmate appreciated him for what he was—a pretty but responsible partner who could manage their finances and suck down a foot-long dildo with ease.

Despite his progress, of both varieties, Sonny failed to do what everyone counted on when he told them he was moving. 

Sonny Carisi had stopped dating. 

Sonny told himself that he wasn’t ready. That he was finally admitting the problem was him. He’d been holding himself back for years in hopes of pleasing a stranger. He never grew the mustache he always wanted to. He never went to law school like he originally planned because he needed to work and to get the fuck out of his parent’s house before it was too late. Sonny had lived for someone else for far too long, and that needed to change. Immediately. 

Sonny wanted to be someone worth waiting for. Sonny was sure; he could feel it in his bones, that his soulmate was just that. He dreamed about what kind of man he must be. Sonny was sure he was older. Experienced but not a player. Definitely not a predator, Sonny thought with a shiver. He wouldn’t need to scam on barely legals at college parties because he can have anyone he wanted. Career driven, maybe to prove to people that he was more than a piece of meat. Sonny bit his lip as his hands traveled down his pants. He was big. Too big. The more he imagined him, the hotter Sonny got. Competitive, liked to win because he was used to winning. Sonny grinned as he gripped his erection. He imagined confidence in the man, and who wouldn’t be confident with that monster hanging between legs? Maybe a touch on the arrogant side? Sonny liked that—he loved a man who didn't second guess himself. Sonny hoped his soulmate was patient, because Sonny wanted a teacher. He was a pleaser and wanted this man to tell him how he liked his cock sucked or if he prefers Sonny on his back, or maybeif he thought Sonny looked better with his ass in the air getting pounded from behind.

Sonny knew there was more to sex than just breaking and entering, but he doesn’t _know_.

These fantasies kept him going for another four years, until he passed his detective’s exam and was on his final year of law school. He transferred to Manhattan for the preferable commute to Fordham and was taken back by the complete disregard there towards soulmates. He heard the 16th precinct was ahead of its time, but he never expected Benson’s tattoo sheet on her wrist, followed by a rather casual confirmation by Fin that yes, her soulmate was her partner of 12 years, and yes, he was married, and no, they never got together no matter how many people rooted for them. The detective himself was an anomaly. His soulmate was platonic, which happened but was rare, and though he didn’t offer much details, there was a way he looked when speaking of his former partner that made Sonny swoon.

But Rollins? Rollins made his heart stutter for the first time in years. He remembered her staring at him a second too long, before she shook her head and laughed.

“You’re not mine,” she told him as she revealed the blue eyes on her wrist.

Sonny flushed and shook his head, wondering how she could have guessed.

“You didn’t even bother to check if I was yours. And I know guys like you, you’re always checking.” That was an understatement.

Rollin revealed to him that at the Special Victims Unit, soulmates were nothing more than body tattoos. “Sure, some have meanings. But others are just cosmic mistakes that end up screwing people over.” From his time in Brooklyn, Sonny had long learned about the number of assaults, domestic disputes, and rapes that occurred from soulmate matching. The numbers were staggering back then, but being reinforced with the literature didn’t make the information easier. Sonny felt the trepidation eat at him, and he wondered, not for the first time, if his waiting was for nothing. If his soulmate ended up being like those men and women who use their status to their advantage of their other halves, was it really worth it?

Rollins saw his expression and gave him a look of apology. She was the type of person who advocate for tough love, but she was never been fond of abuse. “So, I guess you’re a romantic. Why the coverup?”

Sonny, like a seasoned pro, clammed up and avoided the question. Rollin was clever, though. She pretended to give up for months, lulling Sonny into false security. It was not until Sonny confirmed that yes, he would be staying for the long haul, that she struck. Sonny dodged the attack with the experience of a man twenty years in the hole and told himself to be more careful next time. Unfortunately, Rollins became relentless. She pushed, and pushed, until Sonny, the guilty Catholic that he was, couldn’t not tell her. She was good at guilt-tripping, Sonny thought. Just like his sister. Somehow, she managed to convince Sonny that it was his due for getting her hopes up with his blue eyes. With a bitten lip, Sonny undid his Apple Watch and shows her his dreaded secret. Her expression went as expected, and her little “wow” made him regret his revelation immediately.

“Yeah, definitely not your soulmate,” she said with another laugh, before shaking her head and returning to work.

And just like that, the conversation was over.

For once, Sonny left a conversation about soulmates feeling better than he did before it started. Sonny took this as the first sign that he’s made the right decision coming to Manhattan.

The second sign, and really the only sign that mattered, was meeting ADA Rafael Barba. Barba was the first crush Sonny’s had since middle school. Barba was also the first person that made Sonny think that maybe, this whole soulmate deal was utter bullshit and propaganda made to sell romcoms and fairytales. Sonny couldn’t remember the last time he wanted someone _real _so badly that he was aching. The first day after meeting him, Sonny had dug through his special drawer and found his favorite dildo and played with himself until he passed out. He’d never done that, and certainly not because of an actual flesh and blood man. Barba brought out all his dirtiest fantasies. Sonny imagined being bent over his desk for no reason but to satisfy the older man’s whims or giving the man a victory ride in his office chair. Sonny would play with his hole for hours after watching him completely wreck his opponent in court. He hoped the man went after him with the same ferocity, or maybe tease him as he did some of the smugger opponents. The man was pure passion, and Sonny’s body shook with every memory. Sonny bent backwards to get his approval, making sure he was the first to reveal vital information, working extra hard on the cases he knew Barba was taking a personal interest in, even shaving off his mustache and getting better clothes to really show off his figure. Sonny had been holding himself back to avoid getting pulled into the dating game, but now all he wanted was to bring attention to himself.

Look at me, he wanted to tell Barba as he brought in homemade pastries that he spent the entire night making because he couldn’t get the custard absolutely fucking perfect. Look at me, and see how pretty I am. How smart I am. How good I am at making you happy.

The desperation endeared Rollins, who made a wry little comment every time she caught Sonny staring. Sometimes, it was an offhanded joke about his puppy eyes whenever Barba walked past his desk and dove straight into Benson’s office. Other times, she was practically saintly with how she complimented Sonny’s vest and drew the older man’s attention to his waist. But those comments paled in comparison to the one she made when she spotted Barba in a pair of particularly tight jeans and announced that “they weren’t the only ones packing heat.”

The conversation alerted Sonny to something he’d been ignoring for weeks; something he suppressed in order to avoid the false hope that would undoubtedly arise if he chose to acknowledge it.

Rafael Barba had a bulge in his pants.

Rafael Barba’s penis is so big, it has a bulge even when it wasn't erect.

Rafael Barba’s penis is so big, it has a bulge, and he has never met his soulmate.

Sonny could no longer keep his white flag hidden. He took it out. He swung it high. The kingdom was Rafael’s because Sonny refused to fight any longer. The hopefulness clutched his heart and wouldn’t let go as it directed Sonny towards the evidence. Barba had never revealed his soul sentence, meaning there was something of Sonny’s that could be hidden underneath that Rolex. Everything made sense, now. Barba’s confidence, the way he dressed, all the way down to how he walked. It was Sonny’s fantasy come to life. And Sonny knew he wasn’t just imagining their instant connection. How Barba looked at Sonny almost (okay, maybe half as much) as Sonny looked at him. He had glanced at Sonny’s wrist before, and it wasn’t all in his head—no matter how much Rollins tried to convince him otherwise.

It was fate. It was destiny—.

“—It was a joke,” Rollins cried as Sonny came to the precinct with home lunch for Barba. The smell made the tuberware the envy of the department. Sonny had taken to bringing the man meals, hoping that a few extra pounds would really tighten those pants up. It didn’t matter, Sonny thought with a hum, no matter how fitted or loose those pants were, there was always an outline.

“He has to have a big one. I mean, look at his hands! And those suspenders? Who needs suspenders unless they have something heavy to hold up.” Sonny handed Rollins a container of spaghetti. He noted that she tended to complain less when he set aside a portion for her.

Rollins gave him a look. She was close to just eating her pasta and ignoring him when Barba walked out of Benson’s office, and towards Sonny’s desk. He was beaming as Barba picks up his meal.

“I made spaghetti with meatballs today. Even baked the bread myself. I hope you like it, counselor.” Sonny tried to purr out the words, but his seduction came off as subservience. 

Barba looked amused and thanked him. “I have to stop by the bathroom first.” There was a pause, and even Rollins was surprised by what happened next. “But if you could heat this up, we could have it in the break room together.”

Sonny was floored, and literally stunned silent. Rollins felt a tinge of pity for him, so she decided to respond on his behalf. Neither of them wanted Barba to interpret his muteness as a rejection. “I think he’d like that,” Rollins answered. “He’ll be waiting.”

Barba nodded and walked away.

Rollins shook her head. “Guess you finally wore him down.”

The senior detective expected utter elation on her partner’s face. Instead, Sonny’s face was white.

“He’s using the bathroom.”

“What?”

“Rollins, Barba is using the public restroom for the first time since I’ve met him.”

“Don’t.”

Sonny gets up from his seat. “I can’t miss this opportunity, Rollins.”

“Carisi, sit down.”

“Rollins, he could be my soulmate!”

“Carisi!”

But Sonny was already following the ADA out the door, hellbent on getting a confirmation to the question he has been asking for the last few months.

“We arrest people for this shit!” She shouted, with no success. Rollins grabbed Fin from his desk and ordered him to follow their new detective.

“Stop him!” She ordered. 

“For what?”

“Just do it!”

To his credit, Fin didn’t ask any more questions. He looked annoyed at having to run, but he followed the Italian detective to the bathroom. Both of them ended up colliding at the door, and Fin tackled Carisi onto the marble grime. There was a struggle, which ended when both parties noticed Barba was staring at them, both in shock and annoyance, as his perfect, _matching Sonny’s wrist to a tee_, dick, bounced in their faces. His face became red with what Sonny could only assume was anger and zipped up.

The action released a whimper from Sonny’s mouth, and Sonny, never one to take his foot out of his mouth, gasped.

“_That’s going inside me_.” 

*** 

In contrast to Sgt. Benson, Barba did not deal with news poorly. He did not take it well, nor did he take Amanda’s suggestion that they get a ruler to “be sure,” but his response was fitting for someone in his position.

After the incident in the bathroom, Barba had ordered both parties to leave the bathroom at once so that he could wash his hands, and agreed that they should meet up in Benson’s office. To the rest of the precinct, it looked like they were having a meeting about a classified case.

Sonny looked at his hands, ashamed at what he had done, but not so mortified that he could fight the utter elation on his face when Barba finally removed his watch. His wrist revealed Sonny’s breathtaking blue eyes—a flattering description by anyone’s standards, and Sonny couldn’t help but flush at the implications. How long had Barba been imagining his eyes looking up at him when he comes? Did he stroke himself with that hand when he was getting off? Carisi wanted to ask but contained himself. He was in enough trouble as it was, but he couldn’t help the buzzing in his fingertips when Sgt. Benson spoke. 

Down the road, the incident would have been a funny story to tell their kids, or even a unique anecdote for Thanksgiving feasts. But those “haha” moments only occurred after the parties have gotten together, and as of now, Carisi was a pervert who tried to look at another man’s junk in a police restroom. Benson gave him a lecture that chilled him to the bones, and even went as far as suggesting a restraining order. Barba cut her off.

“I’m not pressing charges, the least of all because they wouldn’t stick,” Barba looked like he’s ready to leave. He put his watch back on, much to Sonny’s dismay. Sonny didn’t want Barba to hide from him anymore! “No judge is going to look at Det. Carisi and think he got the better end of the deal.” Sonny choked. Because that sounded vaguely of praise, and he couldn’t help but cheer inwardly. He knew Barba liked the way he looked. He thanked his mother for instilling in him a degree of vanity that was reserved for Italians.

“Not to mention how a jury will decide.” Barba shook his head. “I’d have an easier time convincing them you were responsible for the Zodiac killings.”

Benson gave him a chagrined look. She turned back to Carisi, eyes aflame. “I can still have him transfered.”

Sonny blanched.

“For what?”

“_Rafael_,” Sgt. Benson warned.

And that stings. Hearing someone else call Barba by his given name when he, Rafael’s soulmate, wasn’t even given that honor yet, hurt. It hurt more than anything Benson could have called him.

_‘Rafael’_ sighed. “He’s a good detective. You know that. I know that. Quite frankly, I’m not interested in escalating this to a scandal. Liv,” There was a moment where Benson and Barba share a look, a secret conversation with their eyes. “Let this go. You know he didn’t mean any harm. He wouldn’t have tried anything.” He turned to Sonny. “Right?”

Sonny nodded so fast, his head risked unscrewing. He turned back to the sergeant. “No! I just wanted to see if he...I’ve been, I’ve been waiting my whole life for this! I’m sorry, I know it was stupid, but I wanted it to be true. I wasn’t thinking, and this was my chance and I really—”

Benson raised her hand to shut him up. “I get it.” She sighed. “Fine. Discuss this on your own terms. I want you to take the day off and tomorrow. No pay. Understand?”

Sonny nodded, grateful for the leniency.

“You’re dismissed.”

Sonny couldn’t get out of his seat fast enough.

Once they were out of the office, Barba looked at his watch. “I have to get back, but I prefer to discuss things in private.”

“How about dinner at my place?” Sonny offered before any parameters were set. He hoped he didn’t sound too eager. Judging by the look on Barba’s face, he was wrong. “I mean, for privacy reasons.”

Barba gave him a look, both of amusement and exasperation.

“I won’t try anything. I promise,” Sonny told him, though he desperately wished that wasn’t the case. “I just want to make you dinner. Anything you like.” Since Sonny had the whole day to make sure the meal was perfect, he wasn’t going to waste a single second. “I really want to please you, counselor.”

For a second, Sonny wondered if Barba’s eyes got darker. Then, they returned to normal, and he assured himself it was just the light. “I don’t have a preference.” After a beat, he told Sonny, “I’ll be there at 7:00.”

Sonny nodded enthusiastically. “You won’t regret it.”

Barba looked like he assuredly would. But then, he paused. “Det. Carisi?”

“Yes?” Sonny cursed at himself. He sounded too eager. Desperate. Puppy like rather than lover like.

Barba stared at him for a moment, before saying, “You can call me Rafael.”

There was more evidence to support the night going wrong, than right.

Sonny had never been on a good date. That alone made the situation disheartening but he wasn’t willing to give up on a match made in heaven—literally—because of statistics. If he did, he would have given up on soulmates entirely. It was one of the reasons he decided to quit homicide. Just listening to people talk about why they murdered their loved ones, their soulmates, was enough for anyone to give up on love, let alone meeting your soulmate. Instead, Sonny focused on what he could control.

First, Sonny called Carmen as soon as Barba left the precinct. He didn’t want to waste any time on the matter, in fear Barba would return to the office and spill about his terrible experience to his assistant. Carmen was more than happy to list Barba’s favorite dishes, even going as far as to state his preferences on certain dishes, which foods he preferred salty, and which he tended to lean towards the sweeter side. Sonny always took meticulous notes, and today was no exception. Then, he went out and bought Barba’s favorite scotch—no, he bought _Rafael’s _favorite scotch. It took half of his weekly income, but it would be worth every penny for a sliver of Rafael’s affection. Once all the ingredients were purchased, recipes researched and altered, and pots were ready, Sonny decided to take the extra mile.

Sonny promised Rafael _he _wouldn’t try anything. Rafael had no such restrictions.

Sonny searched his toy trunk for the little present he got from his sister on his birthday. No doubt she meant it as a gag gift, and Sonny played it off as such. She never knew he wore it as a de-stressor when times got tough. His pink butt plug was one of his favorites—nice and big enough to maintain a stretch but still small enough to go unnoticed. He could wear it for hours before it started to wear him down. Sonny lubed it up and made sure to push it deep enough it so that Rafael didn’t have to work too hard to prepare him. He wanted Rafael to think that he was made for him, the way soulmates were supposed to be made for each other. A man like Rafael had his pick of partners, and Sonny jealously knew the numbers must be in the double digits. If Sonny wanted to keep his soulmate’s interest, he had to be perfect.

After he got the rice cooking and the pork simmering, Sonny focused on looking his best. He knew he was pretty. He had been hearing people go on about his looks his entire life. Even Rafael mentioned how attractive he was, and that was all he needed to go a little further than he normally would for a date—and by further, Sonny meant the distance to the sex store. 

Sonny dressed like he was ready for a slumber party. For a teenager, this description brought forth images of video games and junk food. For adults, this meant having a grown man dressed in practically nothing—a thin white shirt that broadcasted his nipples and briefs accentuating Sonny’s round bottom. It’s shameless, and if his nonna were alive, she would have curse him out for looking like a harlot.

Sonny prayed Rafael appreciated the gesture.

Finally, after a few hours of preparation, Sonny heard the doorbell ring. He took a deep breath and checked himself in the mirror one last time. He looked good. The food smelled great. And most importantly, they were soulmates.

He’d have to try to screw this up.

With that motivational speech in his mind, Sonny opened the door and any faux bravado he mustered for tonight fell apart the moment he saw Rafael’s face.

For the longest time, Rafael did not say a word to him. There was an obvious accusation in his eyes when he drank in Sonny’s appearance, and immediately Sonny regretted taking the whore’s route. After a few moments, Rafael spoke up. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Sonny, to his credit, does as recommended. Yes, he wasn’t suited for seduction. He was too inexperienced, and it showed through his tasteless wardrobe or blatant manipulative tactics. Rafael was kind enough not to mention his failures, though he commented on Carmen’s impeccable recommendations when Sonny handed him a finger of scotch. It was enough to dishearten a weaker man.

Oddly enough, the addition of snark into an otherwise awkward evening, was what revived Sonny’s resolve. This was normal for them. This was foreplay. The banter, the biting comments, Sonny pining and preening, Rafael countering and criticizing.

Sonny was not weak. There was an absurdly large dildo in his collection to prove it.

Instead, Sonny smiled and told Rafael he was going to set the dishes so that they can get started on their meal. His response seemed to surprise Rafael, who must have expected the blubbering idiot from this morning and not the relentless the detective he had gotten to known over the last few months. 

“I really hope you like it. I’m a great cook,” Sonny told him, pretending not to notice his spike in interest. He knew that Barba was a foodie. The man was spent every free moment snacking on chocolates and candies, feasting on sandwiches and cart cuisines. It was why Sonny started making him lunch.

The thought made Sonny somewhat giddy. Soulmates were supposed to be complementary towards one another. His cooking skills matched Barba’s feeding instincts well. He was a giver and Barba was a taker. The universe did do its research.

The man took his seats, and Sonny had never been more grateful for his petit table and its limits. Sonny learned from his criminology classes that sitting across from one another was akin to an interrogation, whereas sitting side by side or perpendicular felt more like a proper conversation. By taking his seat on the side of Rafael, he was able to witness Rafael enjoy his food without perving down upon him. When they were done with the appetizers, Sonny was quick to clean up the dishes and prepare the next set. “You’ll love the main course.”

“Before we get to it, I think we should have a talk.”

Sonny froze. His hands were on a spatula for the rice, and he tried his best not to shake. He could do this. He did hundreds of undercover assignments with far dire circumstances for failure. “Are you sure? I never made this before, but I’m pretty sure it’s best hot.”

“Carisi…”

“Sonny,” Sonny corrected automatically. He smiled at him, making sure it was absolutely blinding with prettiness and adoration. “You’ve made it clear we’re past last names.”

Rafael sighed. “Sonny…” The word was pure sin coming from Rafael’s mouth. “I think we need to set some boundaries.”

Sonny waited. He tried to think of an appropriate response, when all that came out was: “what do you suggest?”

In all fairness, it was an entirely appropriate response, but Sonny regretted it once he heard the answer. Rafael obviously rehearsed this part. The ADA went into his spiel of the importance of professionalism, and with each word, Sonny was dying inside.

It was a rejection. A completely sound and soulless rejection. After Rafael finished up talking about their duties as an officer of the law and an agent of order or whatever concept he decided to appeal to Sonny’s ethos, he started to launch into the next part about the inadequacy within the soulmate algorithm. The whole pitch sounded like a man whose given up on soulmates.

And for the first time, Sonny wondered how God could match him up with such a man.

“You don’t agree.”

Sonny could no longer keep quiet. “You’re not even giving me a chance.” Fuck, this can’t be happening. “You could fall in love with me if you tried.”

“I know.”

That got Sonny’s attention. “Then, why are you—?”

“Sonny,” Rafael began, and for once, the words were genuine, not some speech made from collected figures. Then, the sincerity goes away as soon as it came. “I'm a lot older than you.”

“Please stop.”

“What?” Rafael looked at him.

Sonny looked back—dead in the eye as he gritted out his frustration. “Stopped talking to me like you’re at a fundraiser trying to get donations, this, this, politicians’ speak. The face you put on for the media. I don’t give a shit about that, Rafael.” The name burned on his tongue. It felt right to be spoken. It felt wrong to be spoken in anger.

“I’m—"

“I’m not a reporter. I’m your fucking soulmate,” Sonny told him. “And I may not have been waiting for you as long, but I’ve been waiting.” 

For once, Rafael was silent. Then, as Sonny as about to give up on the night altogether, Rafael sighed. “I gave up looking for my soulmate a long time ago.”

Sonny felt a lump in his throat.

“I’m over forty, Sonny. My teens, twenties, and thirties…that’s decades of waiting. I used to inspect every wrist like a drug dog, hoping for the chance of seeing myself on them. And now you’re here, it’s…”

“Too late?” Sonny asked. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. He wanted Rafael to see them—see those breathtaking blue eyes. 

Rafael shook his head. “No, not exactly.” Sonny blinked, waiting for an explanation. “You’re so young, Sonny. You have so much potential ahead of you. I never imagined I would find you, and I never imagined it would be you who I found.” Rafael shook his head, and there’s pain his voice. “I don’t want to hurt you—not like I’ve been hurt. Don’t doubt that _I want you._”

Sonny opened his mouth to speak, but then stayed silent. He waited for Rafael to continue.

“You’re not wrong. I’ve thought about you all the time. I couldn’t help it. Not when you look at me with those eyes of yours. From the start. I could tell you could have been mine; I could tell from how you looked at me. _Where _you looked at me.”

Sonny turned red.

“When you started to flirt with me, bring me dinners, I wanted to give us a shot. Not because you could have been my soulmate, but because I thought we could get to know each other. I swore I wouldn’t reveal it until I was sure we could be something, and not…force ourselves into a hole.” Rafael sighed. “But fuck, you’re relentless.”

Sonny didn’t know whether to smile sheepishly or sink his head into hands to cover his embarrassment. Then, Rafael continued to speak, “But it’s not going to be a happy ending in one night. I can’t just… fall in love with you because you’re here.”

“I know that.” Sonny believed Rafael, and he were meant to be together. “But I’m willing to work for it. For us. You’re worth it.”

Rafael looked at him, and there’s a soft look of affection directed towards him. It made Sonny’s heart sing. “My parents were soulmates.”

“So are mine’s.”

Rafael gave him a grim smile. “I bet they’re still in love.”

“They are.”

Rafael nodded, as if he just knew. “I could tell. That look in your eyes when you found out we were soulmates. This dinner.” Rafael shook his head. “You seem like someone who got to experience the best of what soulmates had to offer.”

The pieces came together.

“You didn’t.” Sonny reached out for his hands. To his surprise, Rafael accepted the gesture. “What happened to your parents?”

Rafael shook his head. “My father was a terrible man. And I watched him ruin our lives with this soulmate nonsense. The drinking, the beatings, the cheating…every despicable thing he did, he did because he could. ‘You’re supposed to accept me. You have no one else but me.’ My mother stayed by him until the bitter end because that’s what they were supposed to do. They were soulmates.”

Rafael’s eyes dimmed as the memories returned to him. The abuse was still embedded in his being, and Sonny ached for him. “You’re not like that, Rafael. I’m not like that,” Sonny promised. “I would never try and hurt you. I would never take advantage of what this is.” He came closer. He needed Rafael to believe him. He needed Rafael to look in his eyes and see the truth.

Rafael complied and stared into those beautiful blues he used to dream about as a child. “I know.” Rafael smiled at him, and Sonny’s heart sang. “I’m not saying no. I want to say yes. I just want you to know, this won’t be easy. It won’t be a fairytale, and I don’t want you to feel obliged to stay together because you have to. Because it’s what is expected of you.” Rafael looked Sonny straight in his eyes. “You have a choice. You don’t have to choose me.”

Sonny nodded because he had never heard anything clearer. 

“But I want to choose you.”

Blessed are the meek; for they shall inherit the earth. But Sonny didn’t want the earth or the heavens, he wanted the home that was Rafael Barba. Sonny stood up and slowly sat down on Rafael’s lap. He held him. He wanted Rafael to listen to his pounding heart, to feel his breath, to know that he wanted him more than anything.

—and also, Sonny wanted Rafael to feel his tight, skinny body that the older man had been admiring since the transfer and know that Sonny was offering it on a silver platter. He could feel Rafael’s breath shortened.

Sonny had one shot and he was fucking taking it.

“I’ve been praying that you were my soulmate since I’ve met you. You were the first person that made me think I wouldn’t even care if you weren’t. But you are, and I couldn’t be happier. This isn’t just about a sentence for me.” Sonny leaned in close. “I’ve been preparing myself for you since I was eighteen.” Sonny pressed his ass against Rafael’s thighs. Not enough to be truly lascivious, but enough that he could feel his little surprise for tonight.

Rafael was stunned. The older man releases a guttered noise out of his throat, as he asked about Sonny’s preparation. Sonny was about to answer, when Rafael grabbed Sonny’s ass and squeezed, almost in a dazed as to what was in his possession. His face was like a child being handed a million bucks. 

Sonny bit his lip and arched his back just enough for Rafael to get a better feel. Moaning, he confessed to Rafael about his little experiment with his dildo, how he would play with himself for hours until he couldn’t muster up the energy to go on dates. “It was so much better than dealing with…ah…other boys, they didn’t, they din't want to compete with a g-man like you. I could think about you all night. Just fuck myself while I imagined your big, fat cock—”

Rafael grabbed his hips and pushed Sonny down onto his erection. Sonny couldn’t have moaned louder if he tried. It was big. So big. And it felt bigger than it looked in the bathroom, and Sonny wondered briefly if Rafael was a grower, too.

“What if it can’t fit?” Sonny whimpered. He dug his face into Rafael’s neck. “I want it so badly.”

Rafael tensed up. Instead of addressing his earlier comment, he asked about Sonny’s practice. “Give me details. Tell me how you got yourself ready for me.”

Sonny was practically humping Rafael’s thighs. The friction was amazing. Better than anything he ever felt. “I started off with an average one. Just something to get me started.” Sonny neglected to mention that it was his mother’s idea. Instead, he let out a breathy chuckle. “I was so eager that I thrust it all in at once…”

“Poor baby,” Rafael soothed, and Sonny could have come from the endearment. He loved that. He already knew that was going to be a thing with him. “Did you hurt yourself?” Rafael fingered Sonny’s hole through his boxers.

Sonny whimpered and nodded. “But then I started to go slower. And it was so frustrating because I knew I should be able to take more. For you. I wanted to be so good for you.”

Rafael paused. “And what did you do next?”

“I... I kept on going. Kept practicing.” Like it was a sport, or a hobby. Sonny wanted Rafael to see that he was trying for him, that he would do anything to make this work. “I was practicing every day. I wanted to make you happy. I wanted to, to fit all of you inside me. After I could, I even…” Sonny couldn’t even look Rafael in the eye. He’d never told anyone this in his life. “I once wore that dildo through school to see if I could work myself up to something really big.”

Oh, and that made Rafael break. He lifted up and shoved Sonny onto the table, next to the decadent dishes Sonny spent hours making. It was almost obscene, how Sonny was placed alongside them, like was something ready to be eaten.

“You went outside getting fucked by a dildo? In public? Where anybody could see you?” Sonny flushed, but he knew Rafael was imagining it. Pretty, inexperienced Sonny walking around with a cock in his ass, ready to be taken at anyone’s convenience.

Sonny nodded, and he tried to make his next smile look coy. “I wanted to get ready for the next size up.” He paused as he admired Barba’s tent in his pants. “I still had a few more steps to go before I was ready for you.” Sonny lifted his leg—he was always flexible, but nothing felt better than Barba’s appreciative gaze at how he bent and stretched for the purpose of playing footsie with Barba’s straining cock.

“I also used them in my mouth. I learned not to gag. I could probably fit a few inches down my throat before it starts to hurt. But don’t worry, I only get a little teary. I stopped coughing, and once you’re so deep inside me, you probably won’t even mind…”

“Stop.” Barba sounded like he was actual, physical pain. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.” He stared at Sonny, and Sonny for the life of him can’t wonder why he ever wanted brown eyes when he had those emeralds staring down at him. “I don’t want to hurt you, Sonny. But if you keep going, I can’t…”

But Sonny wasn’t listening. All he heard was that Barba wanted him, and all he needed was a little push in the right direction. Working fast, Sonny got off the table and got on his knees. Barba hitched his breath, and for a man so eloquent, his speechlessness was empowering. Sonny couldn’t wait to please him.

“Please?” Sonny begged. His finger trailed Barba’s zipper. His cock felt like it was ready to spring out regardless. “Please?” He asked again. And the second time turned out to be the charm, because Rafael, like the towers of Troy, fell apart from the second request. 

Rafael placed one hand in Sonny’s hair and nodded. “Yeah.”

Sonny didn’t need to be told twice. His hands latched onto the zipper, pulling it down with the delicacy one would use on the ribbons of a Tiffany box. With each pull of the zipper, Sonny’s body shivered with delight as more revealed itself to him. For the sake of commemoration, Sonny’s tongue flickered on the skin as he went down. He couldn’t hold back any longer. Sonny had been waiting for years for this cock. It was thicker than Sonny’s wrist and would need more than Sonny’s fist to fuck for a decent time. Its length had Sonny swallowing in trepidation, a healthy bundle of hair growing at the top. Sonny licked his lips. He loved how hairy Rafael was—he could smell the masculinity rolling off of him.

Sonny had so many plans for this dick. He imagined Rafael choking him by sliding in his throat too fast. And Rafael, being the gentlemen that he was, would try to pull back. Sonny would fight the retreat and stupidly try to swallow him down to keep him from leaving. The Italian drooled at the thought of coughing around that dick, letting Rafael feel the tightening of his throat. Then, there were the veins. The veins were thick and pulsing and Sonny could already feel the phantom ridges against his throat. It curved just the slightest, and Sonny wondered how it would turn inside him.

Sonny could have come right there. Sonny’s decision to fantasize instead of act must have spooked Rafael, because the man was already on the path of flight. “Sonny, we don’t have to do anything tonight. If it’s too much—”

At once, Sonny wrapped his hands around the girth. He tried with one hand, but it was barely enough to complete the circumference. Sonny moaned.. He was as vocal with his hands as he was with his mouth, and he loved that both would get to play tonight. He imagined they would have a fun time in the future with this, maybe an inconspicuous hand job at dinner, or a meeting were Sonny was sitting a little too close. Rafael’s breath hitched when he felt Sonny’s long fingers tighten around him. Not enough to hurt, but enough to convince the man not to let the man retract his offer. “I’m your soulmate,” Sonny told him, a little bratty. “I was made for you.”

Sonny didn’t think it was possible, but Rafael got bigger. Sonny watched as the older man’s face flushed. Sonny grinned. “I was born to take your cock.” Sonny knew some people who would be offended by what he was doing—relegating himself to some kind of sex doll for his partner. “I could do anything you want. I bet I look good on my back. Or do you want my on knees, keeping your cock warm?” 

“You don’t have to say that,” Rafael told him weakly. “You’re too much.”

Sonny stroked the erection in front of him. More focused on the beads of precum building at the top. “I wanna be yours,” he countered. “You won’t ever have to touch your dick again if you had me. I could keep myself prepared for you at all times just so you can use me when you get hard.” Some people didn’t believe in soulmates; Sonny respected their decision, but it wasn’t what Sonny wanted to believe in. He wanted to tell Rafael that he could do whatever he wanted to him, and he would let him. On the bed, in the kitchen, whenever and wherever he pleased. But Sonny knew that would have the opposite reaction to what he was aiming for if he kept pushing, so instead, he kissed Rafael’s tip before pushing the head into his mouth.

Sonny’s cock jolted awake as soon as the taste entered his mouth.

He wondered if it was possible to go back to silicone if this relationship didn’t work out. Rafael just tasted too damn good. The weight of his cock felt heavenly on his tongue, and Sonny wanted to keep it in him for as long as possible. More beads of precum started to pour out from the tip, and Sonny couldn’t help the moan he released as soon as the salt dribbled down his throat.

“God, you like this too much,” Rafael didn’t sound disgusted, however. Instead, he was almost in awe. “I wanted to be inside that mouth of yours the second I heard that terrible accent.”

Sonny wished he could have recorded that statement. Instead, he used the encouragement to let loose. He slobbered over the cock and used his hands to spread his saliva on the parts he couldn’t fit in completely. A part of him was worried that if his mouth wasn’t on Rafael’s cock, the man would take the opportunity to take it away from him. When Rafael tightened his grip in Sonny’s hair, Sonny almost choked.

“Sorry,” Rafael muttered. He loosened his grip, but Sonny tried to dissuade him otherwise. He kissed and licked the sides of Rafael’s cock, and when Rafael seemed to be getting gentler, more in control, Sonny recklessly gave one, harsh, suck of the tip.

“Jesus fucking Christ!”

Sonny immediately took his mouth off. “Rafael, I—” But Sonny’s apology died on is lips. He finally got another good look at the cock, and Sonny knew what had happened.

“Shit, that was…” Rafael’s legs were spread as far apart as they could. The action gave Sonny the best view of his red monstrous cock, mere seconds away from blowing. Sonny licked his lips. He could still taste Rafael on him. “You like that?”

Rafael looked at him. He couldn’t even respond with snark. “Yeah, that was…fuck.”

“What else do you like?”

Oh, there were those comments again. The ones that drove Rafael mad with shame, because he didn’t want to be one of those guys who “teach” their lover how to please them, because they were, as Sonny liked to quote “made for them.”

But Rafael was weak, and Sonny knew it. The Staten Islander wished he felt more like scum for taking advantage. “Please, Rafael?” Sonny pleaded, blue eyes glimmering. They were beginning to tear up and he loved how the water made his eyes sparkle. “I want to make you happy.” He stroked the cock some more. “It’s not fair to keep this big, fat cock to yourself and not share it.”

Rafael was out of the fight, because he began to draw Sonny closer. “Use a little teeth,” Rafael muttered. “And play with the balls with your hands.” 

Sonny grinned and did as commanded. “Like this?” He asked as he nibbled at the slit.

“Fuck!” Rafael threw his head back. “Fuck…” He swore again, trying to get his breath under control. “Just…just like that.” 

Sonny worked to fit another inch deeper in his mouth, until the head was brushing against his throat. With his dildos, Sony was able to slide them through his throat with ease, but he didn’t consider how thick Rafael’s cock was. He could have had an easier time swallowing a beer can to the hilt. But Sonny was nothing if not ambitious, and he was, as his family liked to point out, _relentless _when it came to his soulmate.

Sonny forced as much into his throat as he can, and while there were still a few inches left over, Sonny did the best he could. He played with Rafael’s balls while his throat massaged at the shaft. They were heavy in his hands, and Sonny couldn’t help but ground his hips on the floor as he imagined those weights bruising his ass when Rafael thrusted into him. Sonny shoved those thoughts away to better concentrate on the task at hand. Rafael’s dick pulsed and twitched, but it wasn’t enough. Pre-cum kept on pouring, but Sonny wanted more. He knew Rafael wouldn’t lose control the way Sonny wanted him to, and so the detective took the initiative. Without warning, Sonny pulled back all the way out to suck the precum oozing from the tip, relishing in the taste. He forced himself not to get distracted by the treat—no matter how good it tasted. Once the cock was fully outside his mouth, Sonny slid the erection all the way back down his throat. He proceeded to fuck his mouth on the cock without stopping, choking on it as his gag reflex returned to clench around the dick. He face-fucked himself until there was no doubt Rafael was close. Sonny could feel it swell, and he was ready, he was so fucking ready to have a big, fat load filling up his stomach and—

—then Rafael _pulled him off_.

“No,” Sonny choked out. The rasp in his voice was undeniable and just ruined enough to cover up his desperation. “Please, please, I’ll be so good for you. Just let me…”

Rafael made soothing sounds as he reached down to cradle Sonny’s face. “Come here, baby. I need to tell you something.”

Sonny was still pawing at the cock as he was brought up. Finally, he came to his senses.

Sonny stared at Rafael, almost in betrayal. “You promised,” he muttered, and was almost ashamed at his phrasing. He was about to apologized, when Rafael took his face into his hands and kissed him.

It was their first kiss, and Sonny thought it was even better than the blowjob.

When they finished, Sonny was star struck in the best way. Rafael saw his expression and chuckled. “I figure that would work.” After the declaration, Rafael to get serious. He got up from his chair and ordered Sonny to show him to the bedroom. “I want to make our first time right.”

Sonny couldn’t get up fast enough. As soon as he was in his room, he turned around, hoping to see what Rafael had in mind. He didn’t want to reveal his inexperience, but he didn’t want to screw up either. Rafael made the decision for him, when he told Sonny to get on the bed.

“Take off your shirt and boxers, and I want your legs spread.” Rafael’s eyes narrowed down on his waist. “I want to see how well you prepared yourself tonight.”

Sonny was always good at taking directions. He wished he had the patience to tease Rafael, but instead, almost tore off the buttons of his white shirt. Once stripped from the top, he slid his boxers down his thighs and hopped on the bed.

“I thought I told you to spread your legs.”

Oh, there was that courtroom voice Rafael used when he needed to push a defendant over the edge. Sonny almost came hearing it, both inside the bedroom and out. Sonny did as commanded and showed off his pretty little plug.

Rafael removed his own clothes, but his eyes never left that full pucker.

“That’s not enough,” Rafael said in lieu of a proper response. “Not even close.”

Sonny spread his legs wider, inviting Rafael in for a better look. “I can take more.”

Rafael crawled onto his bedsheets. “Can you? Are you going to be a good boy for me?”

Sonny swear he would scream if he didn’t get called baby again tonight. “Why don’t you find out?”

Once Rafael was close enough to touch for himself, Sonny sucked on his own finger and brought up is knees so that they were out of the way. He took his pointer, slick with saliva but nothing thicker, and began to push inside him—right against his plug. The stretch uncomfortable, but nothing he couldn’t handle.

Rafael made a noise—a growl that spoke volumes.

“Told you I practiced,” Sonny breathed out as he removed the finger with a pop. “You could test me out yourself. Make sure I’m good and ready for you.”

Rafael got closer. He was a man, and the temptation was enough to make a saint tremble. “Can I?”

Sonny nodded. “You say when.”

Rafael didn’t need any more reassurance, couldn’t ask for more if he wanted to. He was tired out from his excuses, and he wanted nothing more than to take what was so freely given. There was so much filth Sonny managed to drill into that pretty head of his, and it was all for Rafael. Sonny gave himself to him, and he wanted to feast, to enjoy, to own. The ADA swooped in for another kiss, deep and filthy with desperation, and Sonny complied with equal enthusiasm, both through his tongue and his hips, lifting into the heavens for more friction.

Rafael took the bottle of lube conveniently placed on the counter—again, a symptom of Sonny’s high hopes and careful planning, before placing his own slick fingers into Sonny’s bottom.

“You can stop any time,” his last protest of the night.

This time, Sonny initiated the mind-numbing kiss.

“I want you. _Now_.”

Rafael believed him this time.

The older man pressed his lubed-up digits into the already full hole and Sonny could have screamed in delight as his body took Rafael in. He spent the next few minutes being relegated into a panting, mindless doll as he tried his best to fuck himself on Rafael’s thick fingers. The man was only at two, and he was fucking Sonny with a pace and precision that was not enough but made his head spin, so Sonny couldn’t beg for more. When Rafael added another finger, Sonny was sure he was going to pass out. The third finger pushed past the already stuffed hole and spurred an instinctive squeeze of muscles that really sent Sonny spiraling. Rafael doesn’t let up, and though Sonny tried to reason with him that he was ready, none of the words leave his mouth. All that comes out is whimpers and gasps that are almost subhuman in their iteration. He was too stretched out, and Rafael knew it.

“You need this, Sonny,” Rafael groaned out. Sonny felt vindictive glee that Rafael was suffering for this as well. “I’m not going inside until I’m sure you can handle it.”

Sonny wasn’t fucking sure he could handle this much, but when Rafael added a fourth finger and proceeded to fuck him for hours—five minutes in reality—Sonny was starting to regret his decision to let Rafael control his pace.

“Rafael!” He sobbed when he felt Rafael’s knuckle press against his prostate. Sonny felt his entire body give out in this instant. “Please, please, Rafael…I need you, I need it inside me…”

“Baby, you can handle this. C’mon, don’t you want my big, fat cock inside you?”

Oh God, that motivation was good enough for Sonny to commit sacrilege. He wondered if he was already broken as all four of Rafael’s wide, thick fingers moved inside him, right next to the straining plug threatening to pop out from the crowdedness. Intellectually, Sonny knew he needed everything Rafael was willing to give him if he wanted his first time to be as good as he imagined in his dreams. He wanted Rafael buried to the hilt, balls deep, and fucking him until he passed out with a belly full of cum.

After another two minutes of the pure, torturous burn of being fingerfucked into the mattress, Sonny greedily begs for more with whimpers and arches. He started to chase after the tips of Rafael’s fingers with his prostate and clenched around those digits with more effort than ever before. He was getting what he promised. He was getting Rafael. Now.

“Now, Rafael. I can’t…take it anymore…I need you deep inside me. I need you. I do. Please, just fuck me…” Sonny was babbling like an idiot, and for a second, he wondered who replaced his brain with cum. After more stillness, Rafael retracted his fingers, pulling them out inch by inch until he was completely gone. Sonny’s chest grew tight as he recognized that he was close. Then, Rafael removed the plug, and Sonny almost screamed.

“You’re so open,” Rafael praised with utter awe. The tip of the lube drenched finger played with his entrance. Though Sonny couldn’t see it, he could feel his hole kiss the tip of his digit. He was so open.

To his credit, Rafael didn’t insult him by asking again. He pressed his cock against Sonny’s ass, letting it be cradled by Sonny’s fair cheeks. Sonny did his best to grind, but the bonelessness from his fingering had yet to go away. Rafael’s cock was slick and ready. Sonny was absolutely ready.

Despite that, Rafael was still hesitating.

“Do you have a condom?” He asked, and despite the validity of the question, Sonny couldn’t help but be annoyed by the stalling.

“I’m clean,” Sonny assured him. He tried to relax his muscles. He was getting tense. That wouldn’t do until after Rafael was inside him.

“Sonny…”

“I’m not lying,” Sonny said hastily. “Only need you. I don’t…I don’t care what else happens.”

For a second, Rafael’s brain melted. He wondered what would happen if Sonny found someone who wasn’t him. Sure, Sonny explained that he was attracted to Rafael before the soulmate revelation, but there was no telling what would happened if it wasn’t Rafael. He imagined a man like his father getting their hands-on Sonny, and all the vile things he could make the young man do. Rafael’s blood boiled at the thought of someone taking advantage of Sonny. He imagined the Italian boy begging for a cock that wasn’t his. Offering up his hole for someone else to use, someone who could hurt him. Cumming inside him until he ached and then forcing him to take it again.

“I’m clean, too.” Rafael gasped out. “I haven’t been with anyone for a while.”

The thought must have pleased Sonny since his cock gave a little jump in delight. Despite his dazedness, Sonny noticeably brightened at the fact. “Good.” Sonny hummed in delight and spread his legs further. “I can’t wait to be filled with your cum.”

Fuck, Rafael wondered if the man was planning on giving him an early stroke. “Tell me if you want to go slower.”

Sonny raised his hips. “That won’t be a problem.”

Rafael wondered when a good time would be to introduce spanking into their relationship; he was sure Sonny would deserved at least ten smacks for that comment. “Naughty boy,” Rafael scolded as he gripped Sonny’s hips. “I’m going to ruin you.”

Promise? Sonny wanted to retort, but the word died in his head as Rafael pressed his head inside.

God have mercy. Sonny had spent years preparing for this very moment, but no fantasy could compare to the sensation of having to open his ass for the monster of a cock coming inside him.

“Good?” Rafael asked, gritting his teeth as he hesitated. The grip on his hips made Sonny aware of how limited his control was, and Sonny saw no value in punishing the both of them.

“Yes,” Sonny mouthed, voice hoarse. He knew this was the time to keep his comments at a minimum. He relaxed his muscles so that every raw inch pushed inside him was accommodated. The whole sensation felt surreal; he’d never been in so much pain, but the pleasure was too great for him to care. He wanted this to hurry up and finish, but he never wanted this night to end. Sonny wondered how he must look like. His face drenched with sex and pre-cum, his skin red and bruise, his body boneless. In the end, he could only come up with one more word.

“More,” he whispered.

Rafael had nothing left to lose. He nudged himself further inside, and each movement made Sonny wonder if he was going to be split open for real. The fullness was unbearable but addicting. The erection pulsed inside him, alive and relishing in Sonny’s wet heat. Though Rafael was only halfway in, Sonny had decided he was never going to give this up. Ever. Rafael was leaving his mark in bruises and bites, nipping at his fair skin as he pushed in, hoping that the small instances of pain would distract him from the stretch. Sonny whined as Rafael attacked his neck, without giving a second’s consideration to his mouth. In annoyance, Sonny went down to capture his lips just Rafael pushed up further. This caused Rafael to go deeper than he had all night, and Sonny?

Sonny _screamed _his heart out.

“Oh God, oh God,” Sonny gasped out over and over again. Before Rafael could pull out and apologize, Sonny forcibly reached out and kissed him—hard. “Do that again. Please. Again. You’re so deep inside me.” 

There was no way for Rafael to turn down such an earnest request. He was already three quarters in, the tight, remarkable heat, and like its master, Sonny’s ass was wreaking havoc on the older man’s self-control. Rafael used the final moments of Sonny’s dazedness to sink in completely. Sonny had never felt so full in his life. Rafael’s cock was everything he imagined and more—a lot more and was so filled up that he could not so much as twitch without risking an orgasm. Sonny did his best to focus on the finer aspects of his ordeal. Rafael’s veins were thick and pulsing, vibrating against his walls like a toy. His tip was lodged against Sonny’s prostate and threatened to abuse it until it stopped working. Sonny relaxed as much as he could around the cock, before Rafael actually _fucked him_. He began with mild thrusts, causing a collection of whimpers to escape Sonny’s throat. Rafael drank in the sight of Sonny’s glassed over blues and his skinny body and his cock indention against his stomach and Rafael knew he was losing it. He pulled out as much as he could without hurting Sonny and before there was a protest, Rafael acted. He pushed back inside until the head of his cock was punching Sonny’s prostate head on. Sonny wailed, and Rafael was convinced the younger man wasn’t going to leave the house with his voice intact. Before he could get another confirmation of his wellbeing, Sonny wrapped his arms around Rafael and grinded his erection against his chest. 

Sonny’s hole clenched around Rafael, his muscles spasm, and his hole fluttering around the intrusion. Rafael started fucking him in earnest, now convinced his soulmate could handle anything he gave him. There was no holding back as he pounded Sonny into the mattress. The bed creaked as each thrust pushed Sonny against the headboard. Sonny’s brain shut down, and the world revolved around Rafael’s cock and Rafael’s pleasure and Rafael’s cock and Rafael’s pleasure and Rafael, Rafael, Rafael. Sonny doesn’t even believe he was in control over his own body anymore. He just wanted Rafael to fill him up and use him until he was satisfied.

Rafael lost control in the submission. He thrusted in with no pause, and the friction was between Sonny’s hot, inner channels made for a delirious experience with Rafael. Rafael’s leaking dick began to slick Sonny’s loosen hole. The squelch echoed in the room, creating a symphony of sex. Sonny screamed and moan and whimper and cry at every sensation he was being awarded. He couldn’t imagine anything ever feeling better. He was having sex with his soulmate and no one could take that away. While Sonny’s limp body endured the lovemaking, Rafael painted his skin with red and blue, admiring how his love bites popped on Sonny’s complexion.

“You’re so pretty,” Rafael muttered as he kissed Sonny’s swollen lips. “I could spend my entire life waking up to you.”

Sonny’s muscles spasmed and his cock jumped, and spilled his load all over their pressed chests. More needy little sobs slipped past his lips as his asshole clenched around Rafael’s cock. His body shook, and Rafael swore, the vice was getting tighter.

“Shit,” Rafael swore as Sonny’s cum coated his chest. Sonny spasmed and fell limp onto the bed. His lids were heavy. His mouth was gaping open as drool dribbled down the side of his mouth. He was wrecked, and it showed. 

Rafael still hadn’t come, but it wouldn’t be a problem for long. He reached down to kiss Sonny again, and though weak, Sonny parted his pretty little lips and let Rafael ravish his mouth. He would black out soon, fucked out and gaping open. But it wasn’t enough for Sonny. The younger man reached down and pressed against his own stomach, where a minor bulge was peaking through. He looked up at Rafael with half-opened eyes and smiled sweetly.

“Come inside me,” he pleaded. “I want to be filled with you.” 

Sonny wondered if it was possible to lose himself so soon. His muscles melted into the bed. His bones were little more than sticks. Rafael’s thrusts increased in speed and depth, and he was going in deeper. Sonny took it all, with prostate was suffering the brunt of his attack. Sonny’s stomach bulged with each move. Sonny could practically taste the cum coating his throat. He reached up to cup Rafael’s face, desperately trying to get another kiss in. His other hand was entangled in Rafael’s hair. Sonny wanted to press his head into it, to pull at it, cum onto it.

Rafael grunted, almost blinded by Sonny’s tight ass before forcibly pressing their lips together.

Sonny could feel Rafael’s cock pulse inside him, letting that thick cum drown his prostate. The hot cum pumped into his ass and filled up his stomach. His stomach swelled, and his tongue tinged with the taste of salt.

Rafael finally sank to Sonny’s side, his arm swimming over Sonny’s heavy stomach. 

Together, the two of them laid in bed, almost in awe of what they experienced.

Sonny was the first experience.

“God, that was divine,” Sonny declared as he slumped against the bed, completely and thoroughly fucked out.

“Blasphemy,” Rafael mocked, heaving his own huffs as he laid next to his partner. His eyes soften, and the confidence faded just a slimmer as the man asked, “Was it really that good for you?”

For this, Sonny could not help but roll his eyes. “Now, you just want me to stroke your ego.” He grinned as he turned to the side to admire his soulmate.

Rafael laughed—there was a shakiness to it, but Sonny could tell he appreciated the humor. He turned to him and stroked the side of his face and played with his messy brown locks. Sonny purred. “I’m glad it was you,” he repeated.

Rafael smiled back. He reached out to remove a falling strand from Sonny’s face so that they were staring into each other’s eyes. Rafael took a breath, and Sonny wondered if this was what the universe was referring to when it wrote about him on Rafael’s wrist. “God, you’re pretty. I knew you would be but …” He shook his head and went back to staring the ceiling “I really am lucky.”

Sonny wondered how long it would take to convince the other way around, but he decided to let the matter rest on the high of satisfaction rather than strife. He waited too long. He used some of the underlying strength to crawl into his lap and sit on top of him. It was a struggle, but the amusement on Rafael’s face was worth it.

“Round two already?” Sonny was caught red-handed. Rafael let out a bark of laughter.

“You’re so _cocky_—”

“No pun intended?”

Sonny pouted and played with the hair on Rafael’s chest. He didn’t get off the man, however, enjoying his human seat too much. Again, he loved how hairy the man was, everywhere from his chest to his thighs was covered in thick brown hair. Sonny wasn’t even aware that would be a thing for him. Sonny’s fingers played with his chest. Rafael, entertained by his childish behavior, took one of his fingers—one that Sonny distinctively remembered was stretching his ass earlier—and brushed it against his lips.

Feeling playful, Sonny released Rafael’s chest and placed the thumb into his mouth. With a coy smile, he curled his tongue around the digit and sucked.

Rafael’s became very still. 

Sonny grinned around the finger. He kept his hand over Rafael’s and continued to lick and add more to his mouth, enjoying the taste of Rafael and himself together with a mild flavor of lube. He then positioned himself, so he was planted more firmly on Rafael’s cock and balls. Rafael would be lying if he didn’t expect the grind that followed.

“You can’t want me this much,” Rafael breathed out.

Sonny didn’t say anything. He continued to suck on the fingers, putting more of them in his mouth. Rafael’s face darkened.

“I can’t get hard again.”

Sonny released the fingers with a loud ‘pop.’ “I can wait,” Sonny teased. “I waited for over twenty years, I can wait a couple more hours.” 

Rafael scoffed. “If you can call that waiting. You practically jumped me as soon as I walked through that door.”

It was Sonny’s post-glow brain that made him ignore the obvious reasoning behind Rafael’s statement. Instead, he smiled prettily, the way he knew made Rafael’s heart raced now that he could look back in retrospect. “You can’t blame me,” Sonny told him with a grin. “I always wanted you to be my first; I wasn’t going to miss out on my shot.”

There was a pause.

“What?”

Sonny smiled, raising his hips again. “What?”

“What do you mean I’m your first?”

Sonny blinked. Did he just…out himself? “I—” He stopped a moment to think of a good reasoning. As a lawyer, Rafael stopped him before he could deflect.

“You’re a…” Rafael looked horrified.

Was, Sonny thought. Instead, Sonny pleaded with his soulmate. “Rafael, please…”

“I could have really hurt you!”

Sonny was quick to salvage the situation. “But you didn’t, and really, it was the best experience I’ve ever had—”

“It’s the only experience you’ve ever had!”

“And I’m glad it was!” Sonny proclaimed, with as much exasperation and amusement he could muster. “I don’t want anyone else. I _never _wanted anyone else. You’re my soulmate. So, don’t even try to tell me I need to find what else the world has to offer because as far as I’m concerned, it won’t compare. Ever.”

“How do you know?” Rafael shook his head. “Your first time. With me.”

“It’s kind of romantic if you think about it,” Sonny reasoned as Rafael mulled over his guilty conscious.

Rafael rolled his eyes. “Lucky you, to lose your virginity to a stranger with a big dick.”

“You’re not a stranger,” Sonny pointed out, only to be waved off.

“You don’t love me.”

“Not yet.”

“Maybe not ever,” Rafael retorted. “God, I should have waited. I know better than this…” He continued to dig himself a hole as Sonny watched from the sidelines. Sonny’s options for recovery were limited to poor arguments and reassurances against one of the most stubborn men he’d ever met. Rafael would no doubt shoot down any points he had within minutes, logical or not. He had done so many times before, and Sonny doubted this moment would be any different.

Getting off of Rafael’s lap, Sonny took his nude body off of his, alerting Rafael’s attention.

“Sonny, we need to talk about this—"

“Yes, _papi_, I get it,” Sonny snapped back. He had said the word in mocking and regretted it as soon as he said it. When he turned around, however, Rafael’s expression was…_not _what he anticipated.

Rafael’s eyes were hot enough to melt gold. “Don’t sass me, Sonny. I’m being serious.”

Sonny and his insufferable cock straightened up. 

This was the wrong time to mess around with Rafael. The man was busy burying himself in self-loathing and undeserved remorse.

Sonny smiled coyly.

“Are you going to punish your baby, papi?”

“Sonny,” Rafael warned. “Stop baiting me.”

Sonny grinned as he crawled down to Rafael’s loins.

“That’s not going to work,” Rafael told him. “You can’t distract me with sex. I’m not hard. I can’t get hard for another couple of hours.”

“I just want to clean you up,” Sonny explained. He grabbed Rafael’s cock, still slightly stiff after their lovemaking, and gave it a nice, long lick. He grinned when he felt Rafael shiver. He gave kitten licks all over the shaft and head, before lapping onto the balls. They were huge as well, and Sonny loved sucking on them. When he was done licking the surface of cum, he looked up at Rafael. 

The man looked _livid_.

Sonny gave the sac another peck.

Then, he leaned upward to give Rafael another kiss. The man instinctively kissed back. Before they could go any further, Sonny pushed him away. He got off the bed and headed towards the direction of the bathroom. He stopped and grinned.

“I’m going to get cleaned up,” Sonny said. “I’m all dirty now. There’s so much cum stuffed inside me.” Sonny made a show of stretching out his hole, revealing a nice dribble of cum slipping out Sonny could feel Rafael’s stare. “If I wanted to go another round with someone, there won’t be any room. Don’t worry,” Sonny added. He didn’t mention who’d be giving him the second load, and Rafael didn’t need an answer. “You don’t have to stay. I can make you a plate before you go. I don’t think I’ll be lonely tonight—now that I don’t have any more restrictions.”

Sonny sauntered over to his bathroom and prepared the shower. He heard the door open, and before he knew it, Sonny was pushed against the bathroom wall.

“I’m going to punish you for that,” Rafael promised.

Sonny grinned. The two men made out until they were ready for a second round in the sheets. After the third round, the two of them heated Sonny’s leftovers and made a motion to talk about their “relationship.” Sonny believed that after getting Rafael to agree to “exclusive dating” with a six-month potential of moving in together, he was getting better at this negotiation stuff.

Rafael ended up staying the night—which at the time was already three in the morning. Sonny stayed up until five, making plans of how to expedite their status. He couldn’t wait to have Rafael in his life—for good.

Soulmates weren’t perfect, but Sonny wouldn’t trade him for anything.

**Author's Note:**

> The first of many SVU Saturdays. I will be posting Barisi/Starisi chapters every other Saturday. The Barisi stories will be apart of an anthology series called Power Play, while the Starisi story is called [Down at the Comfort Inn](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20383945)  
and is already up.
> 
> Here are my social media handles. If I plan on posting a chapter late, twitter will be your main source of finding out. Otherwise, I have a website for my original work. 
> 
> Twitter: [@sometimesimeow](https://twitter.com/sometimesimeow)  
Literary Website: [Murder at the Cathouse](http://www.murderatthecathouse.com)  
ore stories.


End file.
